Letting it out

Today has turned into one of those days where all I want to do is curl up in bed and stay there till the winter has passed :(  I'm really struggling to find a point at the moment.  I'm really trying to get into my positive mindset but there's so much negativity at the moment that I'm finding it very difficult :(

I'm so scared now as I still dont have any where to live come January!!!!!!!!!!!  It's affecting me so much I cant even get excited about christmas or the fact that I'm getting my hair cut.  I just dont know what I'm going to do if I dont find some where.  I'm relying on finding somewhere as I sort of have a job here and alot of volunteering that I've agreed to :( It just feel a little like life has put a carrot on a stick for me ha!  At least that analogy has made me smile :)  It's just I see all the oportunities in my future that can easily occur and they'll be amazing but they're taken away by the fact that I have no where to live so I'm going to be miles away and it'll cost me a fortune in train fares and I dont have a fortune :(

I just wish I didn't have to worry about money.  I wish all I had to worry about was if I had shelter over my head and where my next meal was coming from but we as humans have created all of these inanimate objects which we rely on so so much.  Yes I do use a lot of these objects as they do make our lives easier and more fun which is fair enough but money creates a lot of bad feelings between people and I just think that that is terrible.  I'm one of those people that if a friend cant afford lets say to go out for a night out so they'd be missing out I'll pay for them no questions asked and without expecting anything in return. The world would be a nicer place if people cared less about money but perhaps it maybe a bad thing on my part it's all a matter of opinion.

Another thing that's getting me down is the fact that I'm still not excited that it's almost christmas, to be honest I dont even want to celebrate it at all :(  I've been looking forward to christmas eve at my grandma's all year and now I dont even want to go and I'm not going.  I am spending christmas with the other side of the family and I know I'm going to have a nice time it just wont be the same.  I just not in the mood to deal with my dad showing me how well his new family is getting on and how left out I am.  The girls aren't even his daughters and he's blatently transfering his missed oportunity to bring up me and my bro on them and he clearly has no idea how upsetting it is when he doesn't make much of an effort for either of his real kids!  Bah that's a whole other story and I should be more adult about it but this time of year to me is about the family getting together and having an awesome time so it's just difficult to deal with.  Plus I've not spent christmas with my mum and bro for 4 years so I think it's about time :)  Can not wait to see my bro yay silver lining =)

I have to say rereading your comments has truely put a huge smile on my face =)  Thank you so much!!!  I have decided to right my day off and spend the rest of it reading which is something I've been wanting to do for weeks I've just never had the time for it :)

This is quite a fitting end to my sad post :)